Bronze rat


#1

A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shopin San Francisco. While looking around at the ‘exotic’ merchandise, he noticed a very ‘lifelike’, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat?”

“Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat, and $100 for the story,” said the wise old Chinaman.

The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story”

As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he began walking faster.

A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay.

Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the millions, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.

Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.

The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.

“Ahhh,” said the owner, “You come back for story?”

“No sir,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.

(I bet you didn’t see that one coming.)

I’d pony up another $12 for a bronze Republican…


#2

That was a good one. To make this happen in real life all we would need is some really good bait.


#3

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.” The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how government contracts work.


#4

A priest went into a Washington, D.C., barbershop, got his hair cut and asked how much he owed. “No charge, Father,” the barber said. “I consider it a service to the Lord.” when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest.

A few days later a police officer came in. “How much do I owe you?” the cop asked after his haircut. “No charge, officer,” the barber answered. “I consider it a service to my community.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer.

A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. “How much do I owe you?” he asked afterward. “No charge,” the barber replied. “I consider it a service to my country.”

The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop.

And that is how the Senate works.

Fortunately it was a senator, imagine the number of free haircuts if it were a House member.