Racial “Preference” in Sex and Dating


#1

I came across this gem in my Medium recommendations, and had to share it with you all. Excerpting the article because it’s behind a semi-permeable paywall (Medium members thing):

Humanity, we have a problem. Racial “preference” in sex and dating is not, as it certainly should not be, a thing. Do I think that there exists a natural development of comfort from or towards a certain archetype or culture? We’ll call it familiarity. Sure! I mean think of how when you’re raised eating a certain food then you grow up and you love it (or you hate it) because you had it all the time. However, unfortunately for some people who might disagree with me, people are not mac and cheese. Therefore, they should not be prejudged like mac and cheese. For the record, I am not a fan of mac and cheese.

Before we get into how racial preference is problematic, we should probably talk about race a little first. It doesn’t exist. Science says it. Psychology says it. Biology says it. Social race is something that humanity invented all its own. Maybe to feel special, maybe to form a sense of community, or maybe something else entirely. Whatever the reason, however, biologically, there is no such thing. It exists undoubtedly in other species, but not in us. The complications arise, of course, because this social construct has had such an impact on our lives that it can no longer be “not a thing.” Socially speaking, it’s institutionalized, and institutionalization isn’t dealt with overnight or simply logic-ed away. As much as most of us would like for it to be that easy, it takes time, patience, and a conscious effort from everyone.

So how does this play into sex and dating? How many times have you heard someone say they only date a specific race of person? Perhaps your family has scrunched its nose up when you bring someone home that’s not just like them. Or perhaps still, because we’re a modern society, you’ve booted up one dating app or the other and it says something like “sorry, no (insert race here).” This doesn’t just apply to those that are directly boxing out races either, it extends to those who only include certain races as well. Sounds like the same thing, but presented differently. Maybe you have a friend that’s really into anime so they dream of finding that perfect Japanese girlfriend. Perhaps you really like rap music so you only like black guys. How about being raised in a predominately urban area and growing weary of the “urban norm” so you wanna bag you a nice White one? Yup, even “positive” stereotypes can negatively affect those we meet. All of these situations, and more, are rooted in prejudice and sometimes racism.

Photo by Aaron Sebastian on Unsplash

I decided to write this after a friend of mine came to me feeling genuinely unattractive because people tend to look to them almost as a last resort in place of others. They’re Asian, and this particular friend is not the first Asian friend I’ve had to tell me this. I felt particularly perturbed because I know exactly how that feels. As a Black man, there are all the stereotypes and toxic fetishes associated with the color of my skin, but for this friend, there is so much more than even that. For instance, when someone decides to say they don’t like Asians, do they realize that Asian is a blanket term that applies to many groups of people from the most densely populated region of the world? That’s a whoooole lot of people to claim you’d never date or be sexually attracted to. In a lineup of headless torsos would you really be able to tell which person was specifically each race? Would you still be aroused if they checked off all the items in your “ideal body” list? What if we threw faces into the mix. Someone of a certain race doesn’t have the features or skin tone traditionally associated with that race, is your “oh snap that’s a White one” sense going to tingle so you’ll instinctively know to stay away? I doubt it.

“Black and white shot of male torso with tattoos with black background, Kyiv city” by Jake Davies on Unsplash

Look y’all, we all know that these race “preferences” are rooted in stereotypes, and it’s time to cut the BS. Love each other. Have fun with each other. The next time you find yourself thinking you may only be attracted to one race (or excluding one), ask yourself why? Is it a biological trait? Is it a swagger or attitude? Be honest with yourself and check your preferences and fetishes. Only dating bad ass Goth chicks is a preference. Only dating Black men because they’re rough and masculine with big dicks is prejudiced (and a little racist if one also assumes other races simply can’t compare to the Black man’s libido and energy). Only wanting to have sex while you wear leather is a fetish. Only wanting to have sex with Asian women because they’re submissive and attentive, is racist.

No one’s saying you can’t have a certain look you like, just make sure that look isn’t the result of some odd and toxic stereotype placed onto people by centuries of subtext, beef, and shitty type casting. If you do have a racial preference when it comes to dating, I mean do you, but maybe not wear it as a badge of honor. I’ve literally never met a person with a racial hang-up that didn’t sound even a little racist when they explained their reasoning to me. But hey, maybe you’re different. I’m open to hearing how I might be wrong on this one. As someone that has seen beauty in every race I’ve ever encountered, I genuinely would love to know what makes a person able to completely shut out an entire population’s worth of people.


#2

Why does the left so hellbent on the elimination of free choices, and that individuals are entitled to things they cant get, i.e. dates or sex in this case?

Why does the left so hellbent on the elimination of personal responsibility, and that individuals are supposedly at fault bc of their skin color and genetic dispositions, and not their work ethic, their physical health and the effort the maintain such, and their diversity of opinions and thoughts?

Why does the left so hellbent on politicizing science, and insisting that every human born is on an equal footing genetically, intellectually, and physically? We have different breeds of dogs, yet we cant have different “types” of human. And please diversify sport while they are at it, since all I see is a predominantly black body of athletes competing at the top level of the NFL and NBA. Please please please, elminate the wage gap between the black and white athletes of such sports.

Tl;dr: Why does ethnics trump ethics?


#3

Silly article, the writer sees what are in reality preferences, and calls them racist. Black women are, by and large- attracted exclusively to Black men. This is a preference, and a cultural comfort.

Whites and Asians are not allowed to openly have preferences, that is magically racist. To understand that different cultures have different, and sometimes conflicting values is now racist.

The first Asian woman I ever dated was a slender flat chested Japanese American. I was so taken by her hygiene - both physical and mental, that I never went for any other race- including my own. Does that make me a racist?

I appreciate a culture that esteems education over money, loyalty over feeling exhilarated every moment, and love over ego.

I don’t want to play the kissing up to a drama queen game, or the ardent feminist game, or the cultural competition game.

What the author is whining around the bush about is the pecking order in dating. He is close to the bottom.

Historically Black women have been viewed as least desirable by other races, white women at the top, and Asians a close second. Hispanic women are running third.

For males- White males are at the top (more dominant culture than looks), Hispanics second, then Asians, then Blacks.

The author is right that some of this has to do with stereotypes, but I think more has to do with culture. He bemoans that this is a thing, yet it is, and will continue to be a thing for a long time. Culture creates stereotypes, one’s attractiveness determines to what extent that ‘caste system’ is crossed.

Black culture in particular, has become defensive, and insular, so that it is at best exotic, and at worst, scary -thanks Democrats…

Hispanic culture has grown up and out of the Aztlan assimilation is evil idiocy and is quite mainstream ‘Murican’. Asian culture is very success oriented, and very mainstream as well.

Barring a plug ugly, the more education and/or money a man has, the more attractive he is to women of every race.

Unfortunately, the same is not true for women. Most men are threatened by a successful woman-regardless of race.


#4

Yes, the article is childish at best and ignorant at worst, of the reality that is playing out in the mating/dating scene.
Some selected quote to demonstrate my point:

Again denying biological realism. When youre choosing a mate, youre choosing what your children will inherit from you genetically and secondarily, cultures.

The same old “institutional racism”. I like how he “logic-ed” it.

Weak links between consumed cultures and dating reference, and you can even call this “stereotyping”. Maybe the author needs to retrain his conditioned brain out of all of these stereotyping.

The same victimization injected into their minds by being around this guy. Just because they are not white that they are oppressed somehow. And also, this is anecdotal evidences conveniently used to back up his claim, bc obviously confident asian men dont hang around whiny people like he is.

And then he turned around and bragged about his “badge of honor”


#5

Great commentary! Just to be clear, since those statements read as quoted from me, I was quoting the author and in no way endorse any of the author’s nonsense.


#6

Oh I know, it’s just how this site works.


#7

docgreen2010

another fantastic and dead on post

:+1:


#8

Yes, you are a racist bigot homophobe if you dont date a post-op ehtnic transperson in the current year


#9

And you wonder why transgendered people are discriminated against?
Sweet Jesus, so now its a problem that straight men dont want to date transgendered women?

Has the world gone absolutely nuts?

What a case of double standards, not to make this political , Ive had women refused to date me because Im Right wing, or supported Donald J. Trump but that is okay, but society wants to chastise me for not wanting to date a trans person?

Some of you leftists have lost your mind, how about this if you want to date a transperson, knock yourself out, just do it.

If some of us dont want to date a transperson, its our right, dont ask us why we dont or wont, its none of your business, just accept it, just like I accept if some does want to date a trans-person, I say God bless you and best of luck.

But dont think for one minute that you will change our minds on not wanting to date a trans-person.

Respect our choices as we respect your choice for being a trans

Understand now!!!


#10

I’m a Caucasian, married to a Filipina. Our mixed race daughter is dating a red headed Caucasian, our mixed race son is dating a Vietnamese girl.

Regardless of race, people will prefer young healthy relatively intelligent partners to old sickly relatively stupid partners. Anything in addition is a personal fetish. In making an issue out of RACE, many people confuse race with culture. As Rosalina sang in “West Side Story”, people generally stick to their own kind, at least as far as culture goes.


#11

This is it of course … but you can’t make political hay out of that…